Santiago is 12

Sweet Boy!!

As I look at you in this picture, I can't help to think of my little baby that used to love to cuddle and nurse and smile at me just like you do today.
You are 12 now!!  I can't believe it.  I remember being 12 myself and how big I used to think I was.
You are an amazing kid.  And I'm not just saying this because I'm your mom.  I keep hearing it in my mind and feel it in my heart and off course other people tell me all the time.  You have gotten to be such a self confident pre teen.
This year has been a little tougher than others with all the changes in our lives, but you have shown an incredible strength   You are so resilient and adaptable.  You have adjusted to our new schedule and can pretty much predict consistently when you are with mami or daddy.  And I know that gives you a sense of security and you can count on us to be there when we tell you we will.  You trust that you have our unconditional love no matter what the situation looks like.

Following the stars!!

You are still ok with our birthday ritual and actually enjoy it.
I questioned whether or not to do the stars and the birthday story this year, but we found a way to do it in which we all participated and it was such an intimate moment of remembering and honoring this last 12 years of your life.  You are a gift to me!!
Thank you for choosing me as your mom.
I love you!

Here you are looking everywhere for your gifts....where did mami hid them??

I gave you a chess game.  This year you are really taking it on and enjoy playing it.

Some of your good friends came to celebrate with us your birthday and Mothers day as well.  We all had a great time!

You are still an animal lover and have so much fun taking care of the chickens, watching them and naming them...yes, we have more baby chicks!!  We can't resist them in the springtime!

For your birthday, you asked for a goat and here it is:  Levi is our newest member of our family!
He was hand raised and loves all the attention we can give him.  He wags his tail when he sees us just like a dog.  He can go around the yard following us all day if we let him.

And since Levi couldn't be on his own, since he is a herd animal, we got him a friend.  Mr Chompi!  You named him and he was at the beginning a little afraid of us, but pretty soon he became very friendly and now comes up to us and loves to be around us.

Now that Autumn is here at our house, you are the one in charge of feeding her in the morning and you do take your job seriously!  Your farm chores before school are multiplying and I don't see that this is a burden for you.  Quite the contrary, you always come back with a smile and a tale from visiting the animals in the morning.  

We had your birthday party at a go cart racing in Grass Valley.  Most of the boys from your class came and we all had such a great time..  Yes, I went too and loved it!!

Then we came home and sang happy birthday and you boys had a chance to play with the water guns.  

I'm writing this post a month after your birthday and I now have more time to reflect on this year and how it went.  You are feeling to me like you are starting to come out of your shell.  The world is starting to open up to you and you can't wait to drink it all up.  You are also very cautious and think things thru.  

This year, you deepened your relationship with your friends at school and spend more time with them.  Yo-yo is your number one past time and you are so talented.  The tricks you do are incredible!

This was a very good year for you at school.  You loved all the subjects:  Ancient civilizations, botany, geography...the maps you draw are amazing.  You are continuing with the flute and the violin and it seems like next year you will be playing the trombon!  In your assemblies you showed much more confidence presenting things in front of an audience.  For this years play you did very good, learned all your lines and did excellent.  

Now you are showing interest in competitive sports and this month you started in swim team, which will be happening all summer long.  I can see how you will really take this one on and master it in no time.  You have always been very comfortable in the water.

Books are your best friends still.  You are so enchanted by all the stories and can get lost in a good book and forget about the world around you so easily.  

You are very reserved in some ways but one of the blessings of our current family situation is that now you and I have regular check ins when we tell each other how we are doing.  Our feelings are honored and off course I still talk to you as my son and share according to what's developmentally appropriate.  But sad feelings are shared, and

 thru this times, we've been able to deepen our relationship.  To feel like we really know each other and I would not change this for anything in the world.  

We are all learning to acknowledge our feelings, to pay attention to them, to feel them even though they might be painful at times.  Because if we ignore them and hide them, they will not go away, they might show up later in unhealthy ways.  Like your therapist Shawn Sullivan says:  Feel it, move it and let it go!  We are stronger, much more centered so thankful for the lessons we have learned.

Why didn't we do it sooner?  I don't know, but it is here now and that's what's important.  Things come just at the right time in our lives and we are learning to love what is!

I feel the luckiest mami on earth to have you as my son!

Pentathlon

Santiago's Fifth Grade Pentathlon day finally came.  We waited all year long.  For the children of 5th grade in Waldorf Schools, this is the culmination of the study of Ancient Civilizations, in particular Greece.  This is an annual event that brings together Waldorf Schools throughout Northern California.  An our school is the host!  The children participated in 5 events:  Javelin, Discus, Long Run and a Dash.

The students do not compete as schools, they are individually sorted into ancient Greek City States:
Athens, Sparta, Corinth or Thebes.  Santiago was Thebes.  He found Erick, his friend from Kindergarten from Sacramento Waldorf School and they were both in the same city state, wearing the same blue t-shirt.  They have remained friends throughout the years and it was very special to see them together on this too.

The campus looked amazing!!!I was stroked by the atmosphere of reverence and several times had to hold back my tears to see how many people care so deeply about the development of this young children.  Everything was in perfect order, so many parents, teachers and even parents of alumni, and alumni.  We all came together to make this day special for the fifth graders.

Mr Bowen did an amazing job at preparing the children for this event.  Not only intellectually through the stories told during main lesson and all the activities around that.

He prepared them emotionally, stepping back and allowing them to truly penetrate each of the events.  Honoring their individual soul experience as they approached each event.

The interest was more on the performance rather than being obsessed with victory.

 I have to admit though, even though I do not consider myself a highly competitive person, I was getting a little sad for Santiago towards the end. 

 He did not have a laurel wreath for a while. 

I could feel myself getting more and  more worried about how he would feel if all of his friends had a wreath and he didn't.  I had to sit with this for a while and finally I talked myself out of it soon.

I realized the he knows how well he's worked and how much he has learned from it and that is what is important.

 At the beginning of the year he did not know how to do any of this and now, he can do it all.  Yes, there are others who can run faster, throw farther, etc...but what truly matters is that he is better than where he was at the beginning of the year.

Isn't that a life lesson? 

 I wish I had learned this at his age. What truly matters is what we learn as we go along thru life.  Yes, there will always be other people who can do things better than us, who can accumulate more wealth or friendships than us, but what truly matters is our progress, who we are, what we have accomplish and how we relate to it.  And how we can transform ourselves, even if we loose it all.

 It was so sweet, his friend Reed saw me at some point during the day and he said to me:  I already have one wreath and if I win another one and Santiago doesn't have one, I will give it to him.  That's just amazing, to hear and to realize that this kids are so well rounded, so compassionate!

Javelin was the last event of the day and boy is Santiago good for it.  He made it!! Him and his friend Erick both got a wreath for it and it made us all so happy.  

Here he is with his fabulous teacher the one who gives so much of himself to his students.  Such an incredible human being!

And with his number one fan, his cheerleader, the one who loves him from here to the moon and back a million one hundred infinity times!!

And his sweet brother Daniel who can't help but drool over his every move and wishes he could be just like him!

And with his dad who worked so hard to get the stage all ready for the day of Pentathlon.  He was very present for him and stayed for the whole day watching him compete.

Good Bye Judy!

During the easter break, our friend Judy, the kid's horseback-riding instructor, became very ill.

The kids and I decided to go and help out at her farm while she was at the hospital and so we went and took some of the horses out for a walk and groomed them.

It was sad for Santiago to hear that Judy was sick and to find out that she had been battling cancer for a while. He did not know this since she never complained and was always in good spirits and with a smile on her face.

I loved watching him care for the horse, grooming her and being so very careful with her bold spots.  She is an old horse and has skin issues.

 Then he came and helped me out with my horse since I don't know as much about horses as he does. He showed me how to clean their feet.   

Daniel drew this picture for her and from what we heard from her daughter, she had it up on her wall at the intensive care unit for the time she was there. 

We like to think that it made her feel loved to look at this picture, not just from Daniel, but from all the children that benefited so much from being around her.  

Sadly, Judy died in the hospital that week after Easter and we all felt very sad.

She will be greatly missed by all the people she touched with her loving presence.

Judy, we love you and we will always remember you.

We feel very grateful and honored to have met you for the short time that we did.  You were a courageous  strong and amazing role model for all of us.  Rest in Peace sweet lady!

Mother's Day 2013

The day before Mother's Day, I found Daniel quietly working in the living room.  I did not think much of it and kept on cooking breakfast.  Since he was being unusually quiet for so long, I got closer and he did not even noticed me. 

 I asked:  what are you doing?  And he said I couldn't see it, that it was a surprise.  

I smiled and walked away.

He worked for a little longer, then got up and placed the finished product on my night table. 

 He couldn't wait to give it to me.  

He did a very good job at sewing but I couldn't figure out what it was so I politely asked.
What is it?  He looked at me with a big smile and said.  Mom, it's a diamond!!

Of course, it is a diamond.  What was I thinking?  The most precious and valuable jewel I have ever had!  A gift from his heart.  I'm humbled and overjoyed by how thoughtful he is.

Needless to say, Mothers day was glorious this year!  With my two amazing boys by my side showing me each in their own special way how much they love me.  What else can I ask for?

Easter 2013

Egg dyeing with tissue paper

Ukranian easter egg dyeing...
I loved sitting around the table together, our conversation, the laughter, the light of the candle, the warmth  and love we feel for each other.
 We are so lucky to have each other.

Our new gluten free recipe for hot cross buns was a success!!  We all are very happy when this happens, since gluten free baking can be a bit tricky sometimes.

  The Easter bunny this year was very thoughtful.  Since it rained during the night, he decided it would be better to hide the eggs inside the house.  Santiago and Daniel had the best time looking all over  for them.

Daniel found one inside the bathtub!

In the afternoon, we invited some of our friends to celebrate easter with us.  Kelly brought this cute cake in the shape of a hen.  Yummy!!

The twins enjoyed the horse and the chickens.  They are growing os fast!!

Daniel and Braydan looked everywhere and had lots of help from Santiago and Luca who were the ones who hid the eggs for them.

Sweet friends!